Frequently Asked Questions - FAQs
Understanding a B’nai Mitzvah
Jewish Customs & Law
“B’nai mitzvah” is the plural form of “bar mitzvah” and is used when two or more people are celebrating together (when one of them is a boy – the term for two or more girls celebrating their bat mitzvah is “B’not Mitzvah”. In this case, Asher and Yoav are sharing this special occasion!
The bar/b’nai mitzvah will lead parts of the synagogue service, read from the Torah (the sacred Jewish text), and share a speech (d’var Torah) reflecting on the meaning of their Torah portion and the milestone.
A bar mitzvah (for a boy) or bat mitzvah (for a girl) is a Jewish coming-of-age ceremony that marks a child’s transition into religious adulthood at age 13. It signifies the responsibility to observe Jewish commandments (mitzvot) and participate fully in Jewish life.
Kiddush is the blessing over wine or grape juice, traditionally recited before a meal on Shabbat and holidays. After the service, there is often a kiddush luncheon, where guests enjoy food and celebrate.
The tallit is a special prayer shawl worn during morning prayers. At a bar mitzvah, it is often the first time a young Jewish person wears a tallit, symbolizing their new spiritual maturity.
A kippah (yarmulke) is a small head covering worn as a sign of respect and reverence for God. At many synagogues, male guests (and sometimes female guests) are encouraged to wear one during the service.
In Jewish tradition, age 13 marks the transition from childhood to adulthood in a religious sense. This is when a boy is considered responsible for his own mitzvot (commandments) and participation in Jewish life.
The Torah contains the first five books of the Hebrew Bible and is central to Jewish faith and tradition. Reading from the Torah for the first time symbolizes taking on Jewish adult responsibilities.
General Questions
Basic Event Info
To maintain the sanctity of the service, we kindly ask that guests refrain from taking photos inside the synagogue. A professional photographer will be capturing the special moments, and we’ll be happy to share those images after the event.
No, everything needed for the ceremony, including prayer books and kippot, will be provided.
The service will last approximately 1 hour. We encourage guests to arrive on time so they can fully experience this special occasion.
The service is held in a synagogue, so we recommend semi-formal or formal attire. Men may want to wear a kippah (available at the venue), and women should dress modestly out of respect for the religious setting.
The service will include a mix of Hebrew and English. Prayer books will have translations so everyone can follow along.
Yes! If you’re unable to join us in person, you can still celebrate with us virtually. Contact us for the link.
Jewish Customs Around GIfts
B’nai Mitzvah Gift-Giving
It’s best to avoid items that are not aligned with Jewish values or that the family may not use (e.g., non-kosher food or religious items from other faiths). If you’re unsure, a heartfelt card with a small gift or donation is always appreciated.
Absolutely! Personalized gifts, books, artwork, or something tied to the child’s interests or future are all wonderful choices.
Gifts are customary but not required. The most meaningful gift is your presence at the celebration. If you choose to give a gift, it is often something meaningful or traditional.
If you’d like to give a monetary gift, the amount varies based on your relationship with the family and your own comfort level. Generally:
- Peers & Friends: $18–$54
- Extended Family & Close Friends: $54–$180
- Immediate Family: $180+
If you’re attending the celebration, it is customary to bring the gift to the party. If you’re unable to make it to the celebration but will be attending the service, gifts can also be brought to the synagogue since the service will be on a Thursday and not on Shabbat (the Sabbath).
If you were invited as a guest of one of the celebrants, you are not expected to bring a gift for the other. However, a small gesture or card acknowledging both can be thoughtful but is not expected nor required.
Common gifts include:
- Money in multiples of 18 (symbolizing “chai,” the Hebrew word for life).
- Judaica (e.g., a Kiddush cup, candlesticks, or a mezuzah).
- Books, particularly those related to Jewish history, ethics, or values.
- Charitable donations in the celebrant’s honor.
- Personalized or sentimental gifts.
In Jewish tradition, the number 18 represents “chai” (חַי), meaning “life.” Giving money in increments of 18 (e.g., $18, $36, $54) is considered a way to wish the recipient a life of good fortune and blessings.